by Laura | Feb 26, 2013 | adventure, Laura (me), thankful, UK
Today I was totally and marvelously surprised!
I told friends this past weekend that I was fairly confident that it would be three weeks minimum before I go back to England. I finally have been resigning myself to the circumstances I’m in, beginning to make some plans in the States.
While I was waking up I glanced through my email on my iPhone. I saw an email from the visa agency and opened it before even thinking about its potential significance. Maybe my visa was finally assigned to an officer, which would be great.
When I read the words, “Your visa has been issued,” I was completely flabbergasted. I wish I could replay my facial expressions. Actually, I probably looked something like this girl… except in my case the confusion turned into delight instead of horror:
Much of today was spent looking at airline tickets and buying some for next week. I’ll make sure that they are still the best deal tomorrow — plane ticket prices change on a day by day (or sometimes hour by hour) basis.
I am thrilled that I get to go back to be with my husband. I’m also thrilled that I’ll have a visa which will give official status in the UK — I will be able to leave and return without concern about borders, can get a supplemental job, and etc.
I am thankful that God has sustained us these crazy six months. And I am really happy that from here on out, Kagi and I should be able to be physically together even as we make decisions on where to live and apply for visas together. God willing…
Thank you all for your prayers and for the myriad of ways you have helped and encouraged us through a difficult time. I honestly didn’t know when it would end, and today seems to be that day. Praise God.
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| So excited to get back to this man! |
by Laura | Feb 24, 2013 | faith, family, Laura (me), reconciliation
Today I was thinking about grace. Grace sounds so nice. It brings images to mind like a graceful flower or a swan. Beautiful, peaceful, gentle, natural.
In the dictionary, I found some interesting definitions here. Grace is a deep word. I’ve heard it defined as unmerited favor. The word can be what a king does when he visits a peasant. It can mean approval, favor, mercy, or pardon. It can mean “sense of propriety or right,” which seems to contradict some of the other definitions. Our Sunday school teacher in Spokane keeps saying that grace is scandelous. It doesn’t seem right. It’s unnatural.
In my observation, grace is hard. It’s costly and active. It demands tremendous self-sacrifice to bestow unmerited favor. It’s unfair.
This got me thinking about my experience with grace, especially as it relates to conflict. When my siblings and I were kids, we were great at getting underneath one another’s skin. Allison and I are the closest in age, and had the most run-ins. She was always a lot cooler than me and although 13 months younger she was always socially a step ahead. I remember several instances when it went like this:
She did something that hurt my feelings.
I could have chosen, at this point, to respond with grace.
However, I responded naturally, and got angry. Acting on that anger, my fists started flying. I was always a lot bigger and was also a good fighter, so the physical odds were decidedly in my favor.
The circumstances, however, were not. The one who gets in trouble when a fight starts is almost always the big one who is punching, no matter what the little one did to deserve it.
I have a vague memory of my mom making me apologize while I was still seeing red. Imagine her holding me back so I couldn’t continue the physical onslaught.
Mom: “Laura, apologize to your sister.”
Laura (spitting the words): “I’m sorry.”
Allison: “Mom, she didn’t mean it!”
Mom: “Laura, you know how we do this in our family. Look her in the EYES, say you’re sorry, and ask her to forgive you.”
OH the pain of that moment! Trying to make myself apologize was swimming against the current of every emotion in me. Sure, I knew I shouldn’t have been beating my sister up. But from my perspective, she totally deserved it! I had reacted in the only way I knew I could win. In my eyes, I was justified.
If I apologize, doesn’t she get off scot-free for what she did to me? Worse, to ask for forgiveness was to ask her to be gracious to me. Maybe she would see that as weakness and use it against me. Still, I knew I wasn’t going to get out of the situation until I did an unnatural thing: apologize.
Breathe. Stop looking at your feet. Just get it over with.
Laura (pushing out the words while trying to make eye contact with her smug opponent): “I’m sorry. (Long pause, breathe, breathe, breathe.) Will you forgive me?”
Mom: “Allison, tell her you forgive her.”
Allison (reluctantly, and looking a little less smug): “I forgive you.”
Although somewhat forced, she did grant me favor with those words.
In that feeling of swimming upstream against my emotions, I was learning some big lessons. I felt I had the right to make her pay. She hurt me, and how else could I convey how hurt I was other than to show her what hurt feels like? Still, I wasn’t right to make her pay. In hindsight here is no way I could have punished her fairly. You may think that my reaction was disproportionate to her crime. But it certainly wasn’t to me!
The Bible has a lot of unnatural commands regarding dealing with conflict. This one comes to mind today:
Romans 12:17-21
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Allison is far from evil and neither is she my enemy. But what if I had in mind that I would fight with kindness, giving her grace when she offended me? It would have been a lot less painful for me, for starters. I should have done that unnatural thing then, and I should do it more often now.
by Laura | Feb 16, 2013 | faith, Laura (me)
Today is another beautiful one in Spokane. The sun is shining, it’s about 50 degrees F and many many people are outside.
I was driving with Jen, my sister from Ghana, and we saw a man walking very deliberately on the crosswalk ahead of us. I realized that he was blind when he reached the opposing sidewalk.
I am writing about him because I was so incredibly impressed during the minute or so we sat at that corner waiting for the light to turn. He walked to the light post to push the crosswalk button and used his stick to feel out his surroundings. There was a couple already standing on the corner, and he had a difficult time working out what they were before they spoke to him. It seemed like he was a little thrown off, and had to go back to the post to figure out which way was which, where the ramp to the street was, and so on. He went back to what he could recognize, thinking hard. Light post, curb on this side, curb on that side. He was obviously taking every sound seriously. Cars this way, cars that way. Movement here and there. Back from the curb farther — a safe perch for analysis. He was working hard, but he was figuring it out.
For some reason I can’t quite identify, I was deeply moved. Maybe it’s because I know the feeling of being a little thrown off, lacking critical information but needing to figure it out. I too know the feeling of needing to go back to the basics — what do I know — to figure it out. I hope in those situations I handle myself with some fraction of the poise I observed in that man today.
by Laura | Feb 14, 2013 | faith, Jesus followers, Laura (me)
I just got back from my first Ash Wednesday service. For someone who was raised in the church, it seems a little strange that this is the first time (at least that I can remember) having ashes on my head. As the pastor put the ashes on my forehead, he said the traditional line, “Remember that you are dust and to dust you will return.” To be honest, I was surprised. I didn’t expect him to say that!
Leaving the service, I admitted to my parents that I really didn’t understand it. Why Ash Wednesday? Why the message that I am dust? I know Genesis 3:19, “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” But still, the message sounded strange by itself.
I just did a quick word search of dust in the Bible, and after finding loads of examples in just the first few books I realized that dust is everywhere! From Abraham’s decedents being like the “dust of the earth,” (Genesis 28:14) to the plague where the dust in Egypt became gnats throughout the land (Exodus 8:17). Those are probably irrelevant.
What I do think is relevant, however, are passages like Joshua 7:6 which say, “Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell facedown to the ground before the ark of the Lord, remaining there till evening. The elders of Israel did the same, and sprinkled dust on their heads.”
So the ashes are meant to be an outward sign of our repentance and acknowledgement of God’s amazing glory.
Which is cool. It reminds me of the lyrics in this song, Facedown, by Matt Redman.
Welcomed in to the courts of the king,
I’ve been ushered into your presence.
Lord, I stand on youor merciful gound,
Yet with every step tread with reverence.
There is none in heavens like you,,
And upon the earth, who’s your equal?
You are far above, You’re the highest of hights,
And I’m bowing down to exalt you.
And I’ll fall facedown,
As Your glory shines around.
Yes i’ll fall facedown,
As your glory shines around.
Let your glory shine around,
Let you glory shine around.
King of glory here be found,
King of glory.
It reminds me of the times in my life when I have experienced greatest peace, joy, and excitement, when I have been struck by reality — how small I am and how big God is. At those times, in light of his mercy, the only appropriate response is to be to fall face down. Or maybe to put ashes on my head. Recognizing that I am dust is somehow liberating and delightful.
by Laura | Feb 12, 2013 | faith, food, Laura (me), UK
This year, I am committing to writing daily for Lent. And I’ve decided I’m doing it publicly, on my blog. Writing is one of the best disciplines I have ever committed to. Throughout most of college and for a while afterward I journaled daily. Since then, I have journaled and blogged sporadically.
Writing is helpful for me in a few ways. First of all, it is a way to document my life. This probably sounds ridiculous to many of you, but I tend to think in themes and not specifics (according to the Meyers-Briggs this is common for people who are high on the intuitive scale). Generally this works well for me, but lately I’ve realized that with the many things I don’t remember, I might be missing significant things God is doing and forgetting what I am learning. Secondly, gives perspective. You’ll hear more about why this is especially important and timely for me now as I write in the coming days.
There are a several ideas I have of kinds of things I will write about. Because of the first point above, I may occasionally document my day or tell a remembered story from a previous day. But I also might just make note of something that I have seen, heard, or read which has made me think. There are several books I have in mind and I presently have time for reading and thinking, so why not?
I don’t know if this will add value to anyone but me. I have been deciding whether to blog or journal, and blogging seemed like the right way to go. Even so, I’m admitting from the beginning that this commitment is for me. I really don’t know where it’ll go. If someone else gets something out of it, that’s great.
Oh, and I hope you enjoy your Pancake Day/Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday!
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| Sorry about the low-quality pic, but here’s how we celebrated the English Pancake Day in Washington State. Even though it was a very American-Style pancake meal I think we did well:-). |
by Laura | Oct 17, 2012 | faith, family, hosting, international, Jesus followers, Laura (me), thankful
There are times in life when we are disappointed in the people around us for one reason or another. I have experienced that. However, I would like to take this opportunity to share how I have had the opposite experience in recent months.
Many of you know that I got married on the 18th of August. Leading up to the wedding was one of the most wonderful and most stressful seasons of my life. Something that didn’t help was that Kagi was wrongfully kept from travelling to Canada when he was supposed to. It was one of those “how can something this unjust be allowed to happen” moments, and there was a time when we weren’t sure our wedding would be able to happen. Thankfully the situation was resolved(ish) and he was able to come to the wedding.
There were some other pretty difficult surprising things that have happened in the last few months. I admit now that a good chunk of the problems probably could have been avoided if I was more aware of my limitations. I tend to have a “I can do anything if I really try” perspective on things. I learned this summer that actually, there are quite a few things that I can’t do. Planning a destination wedding in less than 5 months while traveling in 3 continents and 5 countries (including a month in a village in Africa without much internet access), all on a very small budget, probably falls into that category. I also can’t control border agencies (to name a few examples).
But, miracle of miracles, even as I realized my limitations I was blessed with an amazing engagement time and a wedding that was beter than I would have dreamed it to be… even if I had more time and more resources and a better proximity to the location. Kagi and I had friends from the USA, Canada, England, Botswana, Turkey (:-)), Zimbabwe, and I am probably missing something. We had an incredible photographer and a brilliant videographer. My dress was exactly what I wanted. The food was top-notch. The music and dancing were SO fun. Even the weather was absolutely ideal.
And it didn’t come together because of me… as much as I wanted to bear the burdon for the whole thing. Left to me, it would have been like a half-baked cake, because my oven died before the baking time was up. I totally burned out.
It was the grace of God and it was His people. It was the Church.
My amazing friends and sisters pulled off two amazing showers and a bachelorette party for me. Countless people helped with the wedding and there were about 10 super-star heroes who stepped in to make the wedding better than it could have been if my budget was 10 times bigger. I’m not kidding.
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| The bachelorette party in Toronto. |
Although I know that weddings are important in a person’s life, my wedding seems a very small thing in the scheme of all of the problems in the world. I can’t tell you how loved by God I have felt in these last months — like a little girl who was given a totally undeserved gift by her daddy “just because I love you.” (I am now crying at the computer in awe.) Thank you, Lord.
And thank you, Church.
- Thank you Emily and Deb for being there for me the whole way through — and especially for the shower and bridesmaid things you did.
- Thank you Allison for making signs and planning the best bachellorette party ever and for being so happy for us. Thank you for helping with the music and for the dress. Thanks for recruiting your friends for the documentation jobs. Thanks for the amazingly sweet speech.
- Thank you Jenni for speaking, for your huge part in the music and for being Kagi’s advocate for years now:-).
- Thank you Jesse for making the trip even though it was so fast and inconvenient with your schedule. Thanks for not trying to beat Kagi up or anything. Thanks for being the life of the party.
- Thank you Catherine for making it possible for me to have fun… for making all the decisions and dealing with last minute issues. Thanks for good talks about marriage.
- Thank you Kara for the surprise lingerie shower.
- Thank you Meagan for playing violin and singing.
- Thank you Lish for singing.
- Thank you Moody family for really being my Maryland family. I am so blessed by you guys, it’s hard to put it to words. Thank you for hosting my bridal shower as well as for feeding and housing me when I’m in Maryland. Thank you for your many prayers for me/us.
- Thank you Katie for jumping in and organizing things on the day of the wedding without much information to go on ahead of time.
- Thank you Steven for being a great Emcee — for taking the time to learn the difficult names and for doing a great job of going with the flow.
- Thank you Gladstones for hosting so many people in PA. Thanks for doing the drinks, for hosting a shower and for hosting me so often! You guys are amazing.
- Thank you Jonathan for being the BEST man. My parents keep talking about how impressed they were with you.
- Thank you Uncle Fred and Aunt Beth for coming up early and for helping with so many things. Thank you for helping us financially as well.
- Thank you Dan, Seth, and Matt for running to our B&B during much of the reception to check us in.
- Thank you Amy for doing the photography in exchange for the trip, and for being such a great support throughout the whole wedding and rehearsal days.
- Thank you JP for making the trip as well! Thank you for videoing the whole thing so Kagi’s family can feel like they are included and know they are loved.
- Thank you Rudy and Sharon for being such an encouragement to us. Thanks for serving God in Botswana and for using your experience to bless us and make our wedding so much more meaningful.
- Thank you Tim, Bethan, Ffion and Mererid for spending your savings to come to America to be with us for our big day. Thanks for doing the incredible decorations and Tim for the amazing sermon.
- Thank you Ronit for the invitation and save the date designs. They were awesome.
- Thank you Peter for doing the music and DJing for us. You did an amazing job — my favorite dance party!
- Thank you Artaj and Judy for making the whole thing possible. Thank you for your incredible hospitality, your generosity, the use of your house, and your friendship throughout.
- Thank you Mom for my veil and bunting and decorating and hosting and for loving me so well. Thank you for being so excited for us.
- Thank you Daddy for being there for me. Thank you for writing blog posts about me and for loving me so much that I know it was hard to give me away. Thanks for being happy for us anyway. Thanks for being a part of things like the flowers, and for building me a gazebo and putting the doors up. Thanks for running errands for the chairs and dealing with the problems I caused by forgetting to tell you to bring cash for the caterer. Thanks for being generous with funds for the wedding. Thanks for dancing with me.
- Thank you David and Julie for being here for Kagi during his terrible days trying to get to Canada. Thanks for your help with our expenses and for being so gracious to us.
- Thank you everyone who came. You all travelled far and it would not have been the same without you!
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| Here is a preview photograph from Amy Birdsong (amybirdsong.com). I am expecting the rest of the photos to be arriving within the next few days, so I’ll be posting them around as I go through them. In the meantime, if you want to see more visit Amy’s web site. There are lots of pics from our wedding there. |
And thank you, Church, for your prayers and encouragement throughout our visa difficulties and separation. I can’t imagine this without you, but with you it has really not been that bad. Thank you.
